If you want change, do it so that we don’t notice.
As we’ve entered a new decade not too long ago, we unsurprisingly find ourselves in what appears to be the end of the universe; the final instalment of the world war trilogy is soon to premiere, an entire continent has burnt down or whatever, the UK is has been plunged into the dark ages having left the European Union and some unstoppable deadly Bovril-proof super virus has basically infected a third of the global population including the guy coughing next to you on the bus. For much of Asia, the west and its allies then, the end is upon us. Any time spent finding new ways to cook apple cores and egg shells, making re-usable but biodegradable non plastic containers that cost a month’s salary each or being someone who says “I’m raising awareness” but doesn’t realize that we’re all perfectly “aware”, we just have better things to worry about, all in the hope that the earth won’t become a flamey sphere of destruction is wasted.
Our final days would be much better spent putting all that is apparently left of the planet’s fossil fuels into some Dodge Viper V10s and Aston Martin Vanquish V12s and seeing which one’s rear tires blow up first. This certainly sounds more fun than developing a kale based alternative to steak, doesn’t it? Perhaps you are an adamant activist who refuses to accept the inevitable though and assuming we somehow survive the nuclear fallout, some bush fires, Brexit and nasty cases of colds, you will likely wish to turn your attention to cars.
Before you stage an extinction rebellion style protest outside the homes of those who drive anything that isn’t propelled by double A batteries or wind, ask yourself if you can actually convince the driver that they’d be much better off selling their brand new Ford Focus and buying an electric car instead. Aside from how a bunch of irrational protesters are preventing them from going about their commute and contributing to the British economy like normal hard working people, their main concern will be the cost of buying an electric car. A new Ford Focus starts from just over £20,000, but a Volkswagen e-Golf, possibly one of its closest electric rivals costs about £31,000, £11,000 or a brand new Fiat Panda more than the Ford. You assure them that should they choose the Volkswagen, the government will be able to take £3,500 of taxpayers money out of the NHS and give it to them in return. Even so, they tell you that £27,500 for a standard hatchback a lot of money.
Attempting to save the world at this point is akin to performing CPR on a rotting corpse.
Being the relentless and undiplomatic campaigner you are, you become increasingly impatient and scream about Volkswagen’s claim that the e-Golf costs £0.10 less per mile to run than its petrol rivals, safe in the knowledge that the company is very trustworthy when it comes to such figures. Taken aback by your aggressiveness, they quickly realize that if they drive 12,000 miles a year then they it will only make a saving of £1200 per year so even after six years the Volkswagen would still have cost them £300 over the Ford. Halfway through these six years the e-Golf’s warranty would’ve expired and once all of them are over its battery would’ve lost some of its efficiency. About four more years after that and they could be facing having to replace the battery, something which tends to cost thousands of pounds. You clench your fists as they inform you of this, take a step closer and loudly blurt out that they should just sell it after a few years and use the money plant trees or something along the lines of that. They slowly move a step back and after stuttering for a moment they apologetically tell you that the average electric vehicle depreciates by around 56% after just three years on the road, by comparison the Focus would’ve only lost roughly 37% of its value in this time.
It appears you’ve lost the battle on the cost front, so instead you raise your voice further as you begin to drone on about how the e-Golf has 135 horsepower, 35 more than the Focus. Despite weighing 165 kilograms more than the Ford, the Volkswagen has a 0-62 time of 9.6 seconds thanks to the instant acceleration granted by an electric motor. The Ford on the other hand will only do 0-62 in 12.1 seconds. Having given them the lowdown on this, they’re quick to respond to say how the e-Golf’s top speed is a mere 93 miles per hour, pathetic for any standard of modern car let alone one at that price. This is especially true considering that the Focus will do 116 miles per hour. Your face starts turning red before throwing in the towel and storming off to hold up London City Airport or finding some other way to bring misery to the lives of normal people and disrupting the economy.
I will grant you that electric vehicles have developed immensely in the past 10 or 15 years. I’m also amazed at how they are increasingly looking more and more viable, especially when other alternatives such as hydrogen or bio-fuels have threatened to throw a spanner in the works from time to time. Whether they turn out to be better or not, be it either from Jay Leno’s point of view or David Attenborough’s, it looks pretty certain that because of aims by countries such as the UK and France to ban all forms of remotely exciting transport by Monday week or whenever, that supposing we’re still alive by then, you will have to get used to walking to work. Why? Soon some attention seeking people in white lab coats will tell us that all other forms of getting about, including cycling are bad for the arctic koalas to, just as they did with diesel vehicles a few years ago.
Image credit:
https://www.needpix.com/photo/491811/earth-globe-water-fire-flame-brand-wave-sea-lake
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